


Hamilton, what the actual fuck?

by Insanity (xXIronStrange_StuckyXx)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is child but a grown up, Alex needs an adult, Alexander Hamilton is George Washington's Adopted Son, Alexander Hamilton is a Little Shit, Alexander Hamilton is short, But I will never sleep, Crack, George Washington is WashingDONE, George Washington is a Dad, He's salty about it, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am also cold, I can't keep track of how many times he has sighed, I have no idea how to tag, Jefferson is tall, Oh shit I have school so I might miss updates, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, They deny it but still, Washington needs a break, he's a tired dad, i need some sleep, sleep is for the weak, some of it I wrote while sitting in a hospital room, well most of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27357292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXIronStrange_StuckyXx/pseuds/Insanity
Summary: Basically Alexander Hamilton is a little shit. He is smart..... But an idiot.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Everyone, Alexander Hamilton & George Washington, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 50
Kudos: 101





	1. Debates

The weekly debate was on Thursdays. Hamilton never sleeps, Hamilton never takes care of himself, Hamilton lives alone and has no one to tell him to stop working after 10 pm.  
Today was Thursday, and Hamilton was in a debate.... asleep.

"Hamilton!" A loud booming voice awoke Hamilton from his slumber.

"Now would you like to join us, or would you rather sleep?" Shit, it was Washington.

"Sorry sir, I'm just tired." yeah, he was pretty tired, last night he wrote until he saw the sun start to rise.

Washington sighs, "We will be back after a short recess. Hamilton, my office, if you please?"

"Yes sir." He started to prepare himself for the famous Washington Lecture™ the whole office knew about it now.

"Sir, I just want to say, I am sorry I will do better next time." He needed to find a way to escape this lecture. 

Hamilton scanned the room, all he saw was the desk, a book shelf, and the couch. How was he going to get out of here now?

Washington sighed, "Son, I don't need the apologies, I need proof, this is the third time this month, and we've only had 2 debates!" Washington turned his back to look out a window, and sighed again.

"Son- Hamilton, what the actual fuck?" Washington turned back around to see Hamilton, sitting on top of the book shelf, opening the vent. 

"Uhhhh, nothing?" Washington sighed before walking up to the book shelf and lifting the short man down. 

Washington sighed and set Hamilton outside the door of his office. 

Hamilton silently celebrated his victory and heard Washington mumble something about "These damn kids always doing weird ass shit."


	2. Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf just wants to work, but SOMEONE makes that difficult.

Laf was tall, like really tall. Alexander was short, his head barely reached laf's chest.

They did not mind the difference, until one day when Alexander could not reach the top shelf, he was salty about it for a few days. Things went back to normal after about a week, but that did not stop Alex from causing chaos.

"Hercules? Have you seen mon petite?" Hurcules was on the phone, Laf had not been able to find Alex at all today.

"No-" Hercules had been cut off by a screech a very loud screech.

"Laf?! Laf? WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"GET THE FUCK OUT! HOW DID YOU EVEN FIT IN THERE!?!!" Laf was yelling at someone, and Hercules was more confused until he heard this:

"The powers of being small!" Alexander. Of course, his favorite place to hide was in tiny places that no human could fit in.

"Ooh is that Herc?" Alexander had the attention span of a 3 year old. 

"HI HERC!"

"Hi Alex"

"I HID IN THE DRAWER IN LAF'S DESK!"

"ALEXANDER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?"

Screech, again OH SHI-


	3. Ow you little fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested! So I provided.

Hamilton realized something... he could trip Thomas- wait, when was he Thomas? Anyways, he could trip Jefferson.

The first time it happened Jefferson was walking down the hallway and did not see Hamilton (Because he is an unfairly tall fuck)

Jefferson tripped and landed right on Hamilton, and with Alexander being so small, it broke three of his ribs. Washington was mad, but understood because he too was unfairly tall to Hamilton.

What Jefferson did expect was for Hamilton to be a little shit and use this to his advantage, well kind of his advantage?  
\--------------------

"Madison, you need to go-" He tripped, and there was a familiar body trapped under his, this was the third time this week.

"Hamilton! YOU NEED TO STOP! You're gonna' get hurt!" The taller man scolded

Wait, why was he doing this anyways?

"I just was trying to talk to you..." Had he said that out loud?

"By, tripping me?" He nodded

"You are always too busy, I can't decide if you're busy working of fucking Madison, but either way I never get a chance to talk to you about the plan" Hamilton shot back quick, by now Jefferson was holding out his hand to help Hamilton up, he may not like his opinions but he isn't an asshole WAIT 'FUCKING MADISON'??!?! 

"HAMILTON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"   
\-------------------

Hamilton went back to his office and pulled out a roll of gauze, when he was walking back he noticed that there was a blood stain on his shirt, so he covered it up and changed his shirt.

How was he suppose to tell Jefferson about the plan now? He'll just have to find another way then....... >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all liked it!


	4. Not a chapter, just why I'm not updating for now.

So I have missed two updates now. Here is an explanation.

About 2 days ago I was called down to my school's offices and checked out by my father. When we were in the car he told me that my aunt had been admitted into the hospital because she was having problems that I will not specify for privacy reasons. We drove to the hospital and the doctor said she would be fine, just that she needs to be on bed rest for a few days. I have not updated because I was busy finishing up school work that I missed and helping my aunt with things. 

Sorry, I will update either tomorrow or the next day.


	5. WAIT NOW I HAVE COFFEE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Hamilton being a small little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you julzzzzzz for the suggestion!

"OH REALLY?!" Great another argument between Hamilton and Jefferson.

"YES REALLY I BET $329 THAT YOU WON'T JUMP AT WASHINGTON!" Wait what?

"I'll do it, but why so specific? Never mind" 

All Washington could see then was Hamilton running top speed at him, it took a second to realize he was not stopping.

"WAIT NO I HAVE COFFEE IN MY HANDS!" He quickly moved his coffee to one hand and caught Hamilton with the other.

"When was the last time you ate? You weigh like 3 pounds you really need-" He got cut off by a loud shouting.

"PAY UP YOU TALL SESAME STREET PUPPET!" What?

Jefferson walked up to them and looked shocked "Hamilton, what the actual fuck? I didn't think you'd actually do it!"

Jefferson just pulls out his wallet, takes the drivers licence out of it and hands the whole wallet to Hamilton. Washington set Hamilton down on the table. Both Jefferson and Washington sighed and left.

"Damn, who knew Jefferson only used cash. And punch cards?"

That's all folks, until next time!


	6. PUT ME DOWN!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Fairy Floss for the idea!

Washington had just got a call from Ms.Riley, Alexander's landlord, she said something along the lines of "Is Alex dead or at work, he has not been home in about 8 days." 

So, Washington did the only reasonable thing, and walked right into Alexander's office just as he was downing another cup of coffee.

"Alexander Hamilton! Why have you not been home in a week!" Washington then added "And how many cups of that stuff had you had?"

"Sorry sir, I just have so much work to do. "

Washington sighed, "You are ahead of everyone by 3 months, go home Alexander."

Alex rolled his eyes, "There is always more work to be done."

Washington had enough, "That's it." 

"WHAAAAAAAA PUT ME DOWN!!!!" Alexander screamed right in his ear.

Washington walked down to the parking garage, and set Alexander down in the back seat. "Now, we are going to my house and you will feel the wrath of Martha, I hope that will teach you a lesson." 

Alex's eyes just blinked, "Good luck, she loves me!"

Washington rolls his eyes and continues to drive home.

"MARTHA! WE'RE HOME!" 

"Ooh good! I made meatloaf! Oh, hello Alex dear." 

"Hi, Mrs.Washington"

"Martha, Alex here has not been home in a week, staying in his office, and I assume living off of coffee." He said as their cat, Alexander, started to rub up against his leg.

"I'm sorry, what?" She looked shocked, Alex looked shy.

She sighed, "Let me guess, he carried you to the car?" Alex nodded, she hummed in agreement.

"Go wash up and sit at the dinner table, the loaf will be out in a minute, and George, please, take off those muddy boots."

They ate dinner and Alex stayed the night, in the morning he got a lecture from Martha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Why not write a chapter today?  
> My Brain: Why not watch youtube at the same time?
> 
> Me 3 hours later: Shit


	7. In a tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton fucks it up in a tree.

Of course it was a picnic. Martha had said that George needs to spend more time with the employees. So she organized a friking picnic.

Alex decided to wear a nice sun hat that Laf had given him. But of course, it had to be a little windy.

Washington was bored so he decided to take a nice nap in the shade of the giant oak tree. Alex's hat blew into the tree so he was using Jefferson as a ladder so he could retrieve the hat.

Washington was suddenly woken up with a loud crash and a very loud crack.

"HAMILTON!" There was shouting so he turned to see Hamilton crying on the ground, holding his arm close to his chest.

"What Happened?" Is all he could get out, so he picked up Hamilton and carried him to the car, drove him to the hospital, and found out he had broken his arm in three places.

Jefferson walked into the hospital room, "Hamilton, what the actual fuck?" Washington gave him a confused look, Jefferson noticed and explained.

" He was reaching for his hat, and fucking STOOD on my SHOULDERS"

Washington blinked in surprise, then sighed, shook his head and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I have been getting comments from so many of you! If you feel like it, please leave ideas for chapters!
> 
> Also sorry this is a short one, ADHD is a bitch and I had no writing motivation, but still wanted to get a chapter out.


	8. So, What were you guys talking about?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down,,,,,,, Again

5 minutes... HE WAS 5 MINUTES LATE AGAIN. Last time he was late he made a plan. 

About 3 weeks ago he found a ladder that goes into the vents. He knew that he shouldn't, but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

SO he did what anybody with (Pronounced: ¨Without¨) a brain cell would do.

He Climbed into the vents.

He figured out that if he goes straight down, right, then left he would find Washington´s office, the meeting room was right next to that. 

He crawled there and found that the vents got smaller, but that is ok, because he was smaller than the vents and could probably walk in the normal sized ones.

When he found the meeting room his knee landed on a screw, as in a screw you from the universe and fell out of the vents.

¨OH MY GOSH HAMILTON¨ Was the first thing he heard, not the first sound in the room, that was the sound of bones breaking.

¨So, what were you guys talking about?¨

¨CALL AN AMBULANCE!! OR A PLANE! OR A- OR A- OR A CAR!¨

¨Calm down Jeffs! It´s not that bad!¨ Hamilton tries to get up, ¨Ok, ok it is that bad. Get me to a hospital, if you need to know, my blood type is red.¨

Hamilton passed out, and Jefferson fainted.

About 4 hours later Hamilton awoke in a hospital bed, Jefferson was beside him with an ice pack on his head.

¨What happened?¨ 

¨You broke 14 bones. WHY WERE YOU IN THE VENTS-¨ And all that could be heard was Jefferson screaming at Hamilton and then Washington when he came back into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY I HAVE NOT POSTED IN SO LONG!!! I had shit going on with the end of term coming up, and Stage Crew. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you to SpicedInkling for suggesting it. If you have an idea for a chapter please leave it in the comments and I will write it for you!


	9. Just a tiny update for y'all

Ok so I have a chapter in the works right now, and I wanted to get some feedback from a friend on it so I sent it to her. She suggested adding a little backstory to the plot of the story and each chapter. So with that feedback I am adding a little conversation that includes Peggy, so she will be present. But this is kind of bittersweet because with me writing this I am coming up with a plot for this whole thing. I am thinking, and if it is alright with you all, that this will develop into an actual story with a storyline and cameos from outside characters. Going back to adding to the chapter in works, let's just say I need a few more days to get it out. I feel as though I came back a little too soon for me, but I am also feeling that I need to stay active. I will get that chapter out to you humans (and non humans I am not judging) as soon as I can. Hope you understand.

Your Obedient Servant,  
Insanity


	10. Don't know what to put here lol :)

Alexander had been hiding who he loved for quite a while. They had been in a relationship for about three months and the only person who knew about it was Eliza. The poor thing had the unfortunate experience of walking in on them. 

He said that Alex needed a break, so Alex naturally came up with the best idea ever, an ice skating rink. He had never been ice skating, having grown up in the Caribbean, and focusing too much on his work. 

Alex decided that it would be to lonely just the two of them, so he invited the whole office to the rink. On the day Alex got his skates and tried to glide across the ice like he had seen on YouTube, he failed, and Washington caught him with the usual ¨Please be careful son-¨ ¨Don´t call me son¨ ¨Alex there is only one of you¨ 

After about an hour Alex felt he had gotten the hang of it, and he decided to leave the side of the rink and go into the middle, this was not a good idea, because as soon as he let go of the railing, he fell, and soon everyone was around him.

¨ouch¨ 

Washington was the first to speak, ¨Alex, can you name three oceans?¨ "Africa" Eliza had to hide a laugh

"Ok, how many planets are in the solar system?"  
"Which one?"  
"Ours"  
"Which one is that"  
"The Milky Way"  
"THATS A CANDY BAR!"  
"No!" 

Now Eliza was full on laughing while Thomas was trying to make sure Alex's head was not bleeding. 

"Heyyy Tommy!" Thomas rolled his eyes and ignored him

"Tommy! Love!" Thomas looked a little shocked but quickly shook it off and continued what he was doing

"Hmph, fine then." Thomas chuckled

Washington was trying to continue with the questions, "How many ounces are in a pound?"

Immediately "16!"

Somewhere in the crowd someone asked "Are you sure he's not a drug dealer?"

Alex lit up with an idea, "If you won't talk to me then I'll just do this."

Alex then got up and swayed for a moment and tried to climb Thomas

"What are you doing?" Thomas was very confused

"This!" Alex stood tip toe on Thomas's leg and kissed him on the nose. 

"Damn it my aim is off" He then passed out in typical Alexander Hamilton fashion.

Everyone was shocked then Washington spoke, "Finally! James owes my $50!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is finally here! I was going crazy waiting for my friend to reply, becuase I had no idea what they would say.
> 
> Anyways, here are the things that I thought I would share about myself :)
> 
> 1\. I am a Pansexual  
> 2\. I have divorced parents  
> 3\. My little brother has Autism and I love him so much!  
> 4\. I support Joe Biden and really dislike Tr*mp
> 
> If you have questions about me or the characters feel free to ask! I will answer all of them as long as they are not "Where do you live" or "What is your phone number" If you ask my phone number I will laugh my ass off because I have no phone lol.


	11. I need suggestions

Peoples I need your help here. I wrote off of what you guys want, so if you have a suggestion please leave it in the comments. No matter how stupid I will do it.

Thank you, enjoy the next 24 hours. (Why does that sound threatening??)


	12. Update on my schedule

I am sorry for not posting any of the requested cHapters. As some of you know, I work in stage crew. For the past few weeks I have been doing my job as a stage crew member and staying every night after school from 2:45-5:30 doing rehearsals. I have to work for the next few weeks and mid terms are happening too. On top of all that I have to pick up extra work around my house due to that death in the family a while back. 

please forgive me but it will take a few weeks to get a chapter out. My stage crew schedule looks somewhat like this 

Dress rehearsals Tuesday, Thursday for two weeks  
One week off for White cast to perform, I'm on call for them because some students have suddenly Benn quarantine. (Fuck COVID-19)  
One week performances for red cast (my cast)

On my one week break I will most likely sleep after school because right now I am not sleeping enough to the point of is self destructive. I am not eating enough and am dehydrated from only drinking Monsters for days and no water. School is stressful so I try reading books and fics but then my brain goes all crazy and I can't focus very well. When I try and talk to people about shit like this my brain puts a limit on what I say, I know I have some problems but then I can't say them. 

If you werE wondering, the only type of shrink I'm seeing is the school social worker because even though my doctor and my school's counselor recommended a real shrink my grandmother keeps saying no, because she is a mental health therapist and "knows me better than I know myself" she is better than my mother at least. I have not seen my mom or little brothers in 3 years because she married an abusive man. 

As you can see, my mental health has gone down a lot in the past few weeks and that is not even the tip of the iceberg that is my brain. 

Just know that I am sorry, and I will most likely not post on the next few weeks. I say most likely because of I get a little better and need a break I love to write. 

I am also sorry if you don't like my writings, but this is one of the only outlets I have, and I just love to add hidden messages to see if anyone will find them. This is one of the only ways I can truLy show who I am because none of you (hopefully) know me in real life. School is a pain because I have two friend that I know that if I needed to I could trust them. But I still don't fully trust them. My mother made sure of that when she lied to me so many times.

Twitter is also an outlet, it lets me see most of my favorite peoPle and how they are doing. If I go on Twitter I have a few people who I can talk to, but other than that I don't real!y post on it. 

I have a TikTok but I show my face on there and I like to be hidden here. But I will give you some information about me. 

My name is Savannah but I want to go by Insanity or Ace because I don't want any connection to my mom's side of the family and I was named after my aunt on that side. I won't give you my exact age, but I am still a teen under 16. My favorite color is purple because I love WilliaM Afton. And I am not very well known anywhere.

The only thing I have left to say is, keep reading books, books are what keep me grounded and maybe they can keep you grounded too. I recently got my hands on a copy of "gmorning gnight little pep talks for me & you" by Lin Manuel Miranda and I love it. I also am reading the federalist papers because Hamilton made me a history geek. When I think about something negative I just sit down and read a chapter out of a book because that get my mind on something else for a little while.

So this is it for now. Bye everyone, see you in a few weks.


End file.
